Will you eat lunch at my school with me, Mommy?

"Will you eat lunch at my school with me, Mommy?"

My heart literally jumped out of my chest and into the boiling water. It melted completely.

You see, for two months now, my precious girls have been my 'lunch dates'. For two months, I have cleaned my kitchen several times a day. After breakfast, snacks, lunch, and dinner. I have sat with my girls and discussed all sorts of things over PB&J's, chicken and pasta salads, grilled cheeses, you know, all the good stuff.  And for two months I have thought how wonderful it would be to do this for 12 months.

But, what I did not see was just how much my girls were enjoying it too.

For the past two weeks I have been 'talking up' daycare. Your friends are there. Your teachers love you. You get to go to gymnastics, the playground, the gym... While I was cooking one of our regular lunch favorites, pasta salad, my almost three-year-old asks me, "Will you eat lunch at my school with me, Mommy." She's going to miss these lunch dates as much as I will.

My heart breaks at the thought of missing out on these precious moments that I have soaked up all summer.

A series of questions consume my mind. Am I doing the right thing allowing someone else 'raise her' for a large portion of the day while I work? Will she forgive me when I can't eat lunch with her  because I am eating lunch with twenty-four 8 and 9 year-olds instead? How will I juggle, yet again, my split life of being a mommy and a teacher.

For two months, I have enjoyed my evenings with my family, without the 'school bag' that sits and haunts me in the corner of the room. The papers screaming "grade me" as I walk by.

For two months, I have not had to worry about rushing out of the house, dropping off a crying baby at daycare, or watching the clock until I can pick her up.

For two months, I have been the one to put Band-Aids on boo-boos and hug them when they are hurt.

For two months, I have put them to sleep without a list of things I need to be getting done instead.

For two months, I have only taught and loved on two children. And that makes me a little sad. While my children are, of course, my world. I think of the gift that God has given me. A gift that is not intended for just two children. It is a gift that should be shared with hundreds.

I have had the privilege of being an educator for six years. For six years, over 130 students have sat before me as I taught important foundational skills. I have instilled a passion of learning and love.  I have loved on those children missing their mommies and daddies. For six years, I have put Band-Aids on hundreds of boo-boos and given hugs when they are hurt.

For the past few years, I have prayed that someone is doing the same for my girls in my absence.

It is still a struggle every August. I want to be a full-time mommy to my girls. I even beg my husband to let me stay home. He disagrees. My husband sees what I desperately try to shield at times. God called me to be both a mommy and a teacher. The classroom is my mission field. An opportunity to teach, love, and allow God's light to shine, even when I can't verbally praise His name. Teaching is a part of my story He is writing. And it is beautiful. Even when I am feeling the huge pain of guilt leaving my girls.

She will forgive me for not eating lunch with her every day. Because, that love she knows so well, is being shared with lots of children. And I am trusting God will comfort her little heart when she is eating lunch and missing her mommy. I'll be missing her, too...


                                           For my birthday girl, so full of life that brings so much
                                                                               joy to mine!
                                         
                                     
                                    Mommy eating Thanksgiving lunch at her school last year.

      To all my teacher friends (and working moms in general) I pray that you can find peace and comfort in leaving your little ones while you work. It is not easy...and I will never say it gets easier. My pastor's sermon was on doing "Whatever it takes" to bring people to Christ. We have an opportunity and a responsibility with each sunrise to be the blessing that someone needs.
I am grateful for that reminder this morning.
 

*Thank you for reading and I hope you have a joyful week!*