My Place in His Kingdom - Let His Garden Grow

This post. It has been sitting in my drafts for a year now. I don't take the time often enough, but when I do carve in those precious moments, I love to sit and type the words on my heart. But rarely do they ever get published in my little corner of the cyber world. Insecurities creep in. Doubt. Worry. Acceptance. All the things Father tells me not to put before Him. He gives me the words, and therefore I must share. It's a working process. Chiseling out me, so more of Jesus can shine. Here is my heart from exactly one year ago, the night tears streamed as I rocked my last baby, knowing I have to give a part of me away. One year later, it still hurts, but I am at peace in knowing I have a place of service in the Kingdom. We are all called to serve with our gifts, one some capacity. I serve the small. My children have my heart, but 10 months out of the year, it has to be shared with children who need a part of me. Children who need love. Children who need knowledge. Children who need protection. Children who need to see Jesus in me. So with that, it is a new year. A year to let His garden grow.

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I was rocking my baby last night and suddenly my heart sank to my stomach. I realized that these easy, slow going, unrushed nights were slipping through my fingers. I vowed right then and there that I would not rush these rocking moments no matter how many dishes were in the sink or how high the mountain of laundry would grow. And not to be forgotten, the papers that need to be graded and the lessons to be planned.

The weight of it all started to press on my shoulders. evil seeped in, putting thoughts in my mind that I can't do this. I won't be able to handle the stress of it all. And evil is right. I won't be able to do it, but my Father sure can. I prayed for balance, just like I have for the past few years. I need balance in my work/home life. My husband and children deserve that. I prayed for Him to remind me of His love and call upon His strength. 

As I pray for balance, I'm also listening intently to what the Father is asking of me this year. I want to be His hands and feet at my public school, a place where I can't openly praise His name. Those children deserve Him everyday. They need Him everyday. I have to let them see Him through me. Some children ache for God's love because they have no idea what it feels like to truly be loved. And quite honestly, in the thick of the year, when I'm barely bobbing the surface, I don't allow myself to feel the love from the Father. 

I go into each year hoping my students see Father's light through me. All children need that and they need to see it in each of us. From the most loving, safe, and secure homes to the temporary, unknown, frightening ones. No one is an exception when it comes to the Father's love. This year, though, I'm asking Him for my purpose. Why is He sending me back this year? It's hard for me to leave my baby in the care of someone else. So I know He is calling me to something greater than I'll ever see on this side of Heaven. 

Our purpose is much more than the standards and the paperwork. We are Kingdom workers. The future walks in our door every morning.  Each child will step into your classroom this year, just as they did the year before. But this year,  I see a wide open plain, mountains peaking in the distance. A garden full of children at a variety of growth places. Some are seeds that will need extra love and care. You will have some that have started to sprout and need to continue to encourage and pour in to. And there are some that have began to wilt and need life and love brought back to their lives. They each have a story and I am now a part of it. I can be the difference in the growth of each child this year. He is the sower of the field

I keep a verse on my desk each year, because weary seeps in often and I wonder if what I'm doing even matters. My two favorite translations:

"And let us not grow weary while doing good for in due season we shall reap if we do not lose heart." (NKJV)

"Let us not become weary in doing good, for in proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up." (NIV)

I love the words weary in the both translations. Weary makes me think of tired, sad, that pit in your stomach feeling we get around the months of October, and every month to follow. 

"Do not lose heart". It's around the time in the thick of it all when I start to forget my true purpose. I begin to lose heart in my work. I wonder if what I am doing even matters. I don't turn to Father nearly enough and try to source out my strength instead of His. 

"We will reap a harvest". Yes, my green thumb teachers, a harvest we will reap if we continue to press forward, love, and care for our garden. There's a chance we will never see the harvest we helped nourish on this side of Heaven, but the Father knows our heart and our good works. No matter when we reap, we can know our good works will not go unnoticed. Our students will feel the love and see Jesus through us. And our Father, well I can imagine Him saying, "Well done my good and faithful servant." And with that summer will come again and we can soak up all the goodness of the morning sunrises with coffee in hand and breathe in the salty smell of summer. We will recharge for another year of Kingdom Work. 

Let's soak in these words and let them breathe life into us. Write this verse on a sticky note and let it be the first thing you see each morning.  Let's continue to do the good work. You have a place in the Kingdom. 

It's new year to let His garden grow.